It’s an annual conundrum: The same year-end holiday season that promises joy and peace also promises disruptions and uncertainty. That’s especially true for anyone—particularly children. And even more so in 2020, with its triple-whammy anxieties (pandemic, economic and political). For kids with special needs, the already extreme highs and lows this year will be amplified.
But you can take steps to moderate the downside and squeeze as much holiday joy as possible from the season. If there’s one imperative at this point, it’s this: Do as much planning as you possibly can, and be prepared to roll with the punches when life upends your plans. More concretely, here are some tips that can help you and your family enjoy the holiday magic while preventing, minimizing and managing as much of the seasonal downside as possible.
Promote calm, reduce stress: As you schedule your days, build in plenty of time for family members with special needs to vent any excess tension. Set aside some alone time; give your undivided attention. Create calm physical environments within your home (lower lighting, muted colors, comfy furniture), so family members with special needs can retreat and feel safe if they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Be a taskmaster: If you’re hosting an event, work out a schedule and task list for each child in your house (special needs or not). Who’s arriving when? Where should the child be standing and how can they be most helpful? When should they start clearing the table? Explain each assignment in detail, so everyone knows what’s expected and when. Promote teamwork. Checklists can help.
Create a calendar that spells out what holiday-related activities are coming up. Review it with everyone as each event approaches. A schedule helps dispel fear of the unknown, boosts excitement and helps kids stay engaged and focused as the holiday season unfolds.
Delegate: You’ll likely have family and friends eager to help with the festivities. Take them up on it, and be as specific as you can. Let them help you run errands, clean up, watch the kids, prep meals, keep track of coats. If someone with special needs can help you accomplish a task, involve them in the process. It’s a team effort. The more specific you can be with instructions, the more successful each volunteer will be.
Manage to predictability: Kids with special needs appreciate predictability, a lack of surprises. And during the holiday season, when everyone’s routine is on hold for awhile, predictability is in short supply. Everything is different until January. Stick to as many norms as possible—like mealtimes, bedtimes, bathing and routine chores. As a general rule, anything you can do to make life more predictable will be a good thing. And that applies to everyone in your family, regardless of their needs.
Practice the rituals: A child with special needs may not remember what it’s like to put up a tree, decorate a home or any other holiday-themed rituals that make the season bright. Before the season starts, review some photos from last year. Or try wrapping a few items just to get a feel for the materials and process. Light a few holiday candles and play some holiday music. By making the unfamiliar less threatening, you help the person reduce their stress.
Prepare visitors: If there’s a person with special needs in your home, advocate for them. Let visitors know in advance what steps you’re taking to accommodate the person, what visitors can expect—especially if the visitors’ experience with special needs might be limited. This conversation should feel more like a heads-up than a laundry list of dos and don’ts. It’s especially useful with other children who might have questions about any underlying conditions and special needs. Encourage their curiosity with respectful answers.
Travel with an activity bag: Travel can feel threatening and stressful for some people. Whether you’ll be out for an afternoon or a week, fill it with items that a person with special needs finds comforting. Favorite clothing, bedding, entertainment, games, toys, books. These can help the person focus their attention and regain their sense of equilibrium in unfamiliar surroundings.
Who’s who: It’s a time for reconnecting with people you haven’t seen all year (especially this year, with its social distancing). For kids with or without special needs, it can be stressful to remember who’s who. Take a little time to review who’ll be visiting this season—or who you’ll be visiting, if you travel. It gives the child added social confidence to face the season’s uncertainty.
Here’s hoping you and your family have a joyous year-end holiday season. If nothing else, it’s a safe bet the holidays of 2020 will be unlike any you’ve ever experienced before. For more about our programs for individuals with special needs, or to arrange a tour, contact us at 904.346.5100.